I don’t know if I have ever had something that made me feel more like a failure than being a father. That sounds worse than I mean for it to sound. Being a new father is a very proud feeling but there are things that make you feel like you are doing a good job.
The challenge of not knowing what your child wants or needs is tremendous. Add to that there are times where she doesn’t appear to want me to hold her and wants her mom. Then there is the frustration of feeling like you can’t do anything correctly in front of your wife.
She doesn’t want to hear the baby cry and her natural instinct is to help the baby or advise you on what to do to comfort the baby. You feel as if you are doing the right thing but obviously it is not working.
Add to this increased stress at work, dealing with other unnecessary, miscellaneous drama and you have a prescription for some good old depressive self loathing my friend.
The final thing that makes it so tough is you really love your child and wife and you just feel like you are letting the both of them down.
I love my wife and child more than I can say. I know things will change. This frustration shall pass.